I’ve always been fascinated with obituaries. As a teenager I started reading them, not out of morbid curiosity, but out of fascination of how people lived their lives – what did they accomplish, what did they leave behind, were there any unspoken regrets, what was their life trajectory, how will they be remembered?
But most importantly, I was looking for clues on how I could, or even should, live my own life. I guess I saw the obituary section of the newspaper as my own personal masterclass on LIFE.
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Once I left my small, midwestern town I began reading the obituaries in the bigger newspapers like the Chicago Tribune and the New York Times. In the small-town papers, everyone who died got an obituary but in the bigger cities, obituaries were reserved for the more notable or higher profile deaths. I became interested in who made the cut and who didn’t, and why.
According to the NYT “We focus on people who made a difference on a large stage. If you made news in life, chances are your death is news too.” Fair enough, the NYT IS in the news business after all. But while I was originally fascinated by the life stories (and deaths) of the news-worthy, I found it difficult to relate to them. It seemed they lived on a different plane than I did, that their experiences were far removed from anything I would experience. I concluded that my life and eventual death would not likely be news-worthy, at least at a NYT level.
I am O.K. with that!
I’ll be quite happy with an obituary in the small papers – the Henry News Republican (back in my hometown in Illinois) or the Waterloo Region Record (my current home in Ontario). In newspapers like these, the obituary guidelines would likely allow my personality and humor to shine through and hopefully inspire somebody to lighten up and enjoy being alive.
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One part of the obituary that I particularly like is the section where the deceased is ‘humanized” – where their hobbies or activities or personalities or pastimes are highlighted. Here you will learn that someone took great pleasure in gardening or cooking or travelling or tinkering or belonging.
What stands out for me in this section is just how often music is cited. It is used in an obituary as an indicator of life well-lived, whether people are music collectors or listeners or occasional performers.
As a musician who often takes my passion and talent for granted, I am quite pleased to see it elevated to the level of worthiness to be included in an obituary! It’s a reminder that music isn’t just some entertainment option. Music is the universal language that is central to our well-being. It plays a critical role in so many facets of life – grieving, celebrating, remembering, dreaming, gathering, connecting, achieving, and just being.
Perhaps obituaries should include the deceased’s playlist?
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I assume obituaries started as a simple accounting measure to document the departure of living bodies, then evolved into a notice of an event so we could gather to mark a passing. Over time they became a record of what a person accomplished in their life in a tidy, orderly and rather flat fashion. The problem is that life is anything but flat and tidy – it is messy, chaotic, complex, dynamic, heartbreaking and gloriously ecstatic!!!
In my humble opinion, obituaries should be the most compelling part of any newspaper or newsfeed. Life stories should inspire and comfort and terrify and warn. Obituaries could, if written properly, become the textbook and the roadmap for how to live one’s life.
How would this happen? First off, the obituary could deepen the reporting of the 4 main subjects of family, work, leisure and impact.
Family could be expanded to include non-blood relationships like significant others, communities, friends, neighbors and all the people that mattered to the deceased in their social network.
Work could be expanded to include the aspects of work the deceased truly enjoyed and truly detested. Was work the pursuit of a passion or the means to an end? An honest appraisal would be so welcome and valuable to the living.
Leisure could be expanded to reflect the deceased interests and adventures throughout their life. It would add such a dimension of understanding to know how their tastes and passion changed over time.
What the deceased leave behind is often considered their true measure of life. Their impact could easily be expanded to include testimonials from friends, what inspired them, what they were proud of accomplishing. and what was behind their big life choices.
What if the deceased could tell us what their regrets in life were and what they would like to do over or change? What if they could tell us who they would invite to their ultimate dinner party? Or what their desert island records would be? Or what books they loved or who they could always depend on to be there for them?
THAT would be AMAZING and in my opinion, it would be the ultimate final gift to the world. The obituary could inspire and change lives. If you like this idea, perhaps you could consider pre-writing your own obituary………….